On Toys

I’ve got a couple of posts in the pipeline at the moment, including a (loose) sequel to this and this. I’m also talking to a few different people about guest posts and collaborations, which should start popping up here over the next month or so. In the meantime, I thought I’d write about sex toys. I occasionally get asked whether there are particular toys I like, or how I feel about toys in general, so last night I had a quick rummage through the bag at the back of my wardrobe, and picked out a few of my favourites. These are the toys that do it for me, or that I most enjoy using on/with others:

Aneros MGX Classic prostate massager

aneros mgx

I’ve had the Aneros for almost ten years now. It’s the first sex toy I ever bought, and it’s still my go-to butt plug whenever I want some intense, but fairly unchallenging anal play. It’s designed to curve up and stimulate my prostate, but mainly I just enjoy clenching around it as I masturbate or – even better – as someone teases me with hand or mouth. It tends to generate very powerful orgasms, and is the toy to use if you ever want to see cum shooting right up over my chest and neck. Or over yours.

Doc Johnson TitanMen Anal Plug Number 3

By and large, I’m not sure Doc Johnson make good sex toys. However, in this (not so) little beauty, they’ve provided me with a lot of incredibly filthy anal fun, both alone and with partners. It’s pretty much exactly the same size as my own cock, which one ex-girlfriend really enjoyed reminding me of as she pushed it all the way inside me.

“You want to fuck my arse, do you? Want to bury your hard cock deep inside it? Well first I think you should know what that feels like. I’m going to stretch your arse with this nice thick dildo, and maybe if you’re a good boy, maybe if you tell me how much you fucking love it, I’ll let you do the same to mine with your dick.”

Or words to that effect.

Basic jelly cock stroker

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Here’s the thing with male sex toys: butt plugs/dildos aside, I’ve never been convinced that they actually add much to the solo experience. Enjoy having your clit stimulated? Well a vibrator is probably going to be more powerful than your hand. Want to have your cunt or arse filled? A good-sized dildo will reach the places your fingers can’t. For guys though, there’s nothing really out there that replicates – or beats – the feeling of a lubed-up hand stroking firmly up and down my hard cock. I’m never feeling so lazy that I can’t be bothered to do the job myself, and the skin-on-skin contact makes for a much more effective and intuitive wank than a Fleshlight ever could.

That said, this  6″ jelly stroker can be a lot of fun when it’s being used on me by someone else, ideally when I’m tied up and blindfolded. It provides a different texture – a different sensation – and for that reason I’m never too disappointed to see a partner fish it out of the bag and turn to me with an evil glint in her eye.

Tantus Feeldoe

As a concept, the Feeldoe is basically my perfect toy. It’s a satisfyingly large, cock-shaped dildo, with the added bonus of a vibrating ‘pony’ end that enables my partner to use it as a strap-on, without having to deal with o-rings, and a harness, and all the rest of it. The lack of straps enhances the psychological element of that kind of scenario: when she twists her fingers in my hair and forces my mouth down onto her cock, it somehow feels more authentic, especially when the other end is vibrating inside her, making her moan with pleasure as I slide my lips up and down it.

The drawbacks? It takes a woman with well-trained cunt muscles to wield it effectively, and getting the angles right can take a lot of trial and error. The material also isn’t the best, despite Tantus claiming that it’s made of ‘Ultra-Premium Silicone’; I find that without a shitload of lube, it drags inside me in a way that other toys don’t, which can make a properly hard fuck feel slightly uncomfortable.

Pearl Shine 9 inch Anal Vibrator

I’ve never used the vibrating function on this toy, and I’ve never really needed to. It’s a pretty basic bit of equipment, but for warming up my arse, or for times when I just want some proper length inside me, it takes some beating. I’m not generally very loud in bed, especially when I’m on my own, but I’ve been surprised a few times by the level of grunting this can elicit when it’s pushed all the way in and out at a decent speed.

Fetish Fantasy Plus Size Strap-On

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Regular readers may well remember this post from January. A lot of my sex toy purchases have been fairly spontaneous, and this was no exception. When I found myself in that Soho sex shop, looking for the strap-on set that was ‘the biggest, the most obscene’, this is what I ended up with. The harness is fairly low quality, and the dildo is made of jelly, which isn’t great for your body, but Jesus, it was exactly what I needed that day. She was a cute, queer, sarcastic bisexual, with a mess of dreadlocks on her head and hair under her arms; she had this sort of slow, sleepy, sexual magnetism, but when she strapped that cock around her waist it seemed to infuse her with this hot, feral energy that she was only too happy to take out on my arse.

I get shivers whenever I look at it.

Leather cock strap

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I got lots of good birthday presents this year, but this, from Malin James, was one of the very best. I’ve tried numerous cock rings over the years, and always enjoyed them, but this is a cut above the rest. It’s padded, I can clip it nice and tight around the base of my shaft and my balls, and as yesterday’s experiment proved, it does a very good job of keeping everything super-hard for a long time. Hopefully I won’t be the only one who benefits from that.

cock strap 5 cock strap 6

I have other toys too. I have handcuffs, anal beads, a flogger, a couple more butt plugs, a Rock Chick, a vibrator shaped like a corn-on-the-cob, and a genuinely enormous strap-on dildo, but none of them really see much use. Toys are great, especially when I have a regular partner with whom I can properly explore them, but with a couple of exceptions they’ll always be a support act, rather than the main event. In the end, it’s human contact – physical and mental – that I enjoy.

That’s how I feel at the moment, anyway. This is an area where I’m pretty sure other people know far more than I do, so if you’re reading this and you have any thoughts on toys in general, or you’d like to recommend something you think I might enjoy, please do leave a comment, or get in touch via Twitter/email.

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5 Responses to On Toys

  1. Jo says:

    omg, scary last photo! Frankenveins!

  2. I must admit the last photo scares me a bit too, I’m a bit nervous about the strain you’re under. 😛

    I wish I could make strapless strap ons work for me, but they just don’t. My cunt muscles automatically expel everything that’s not being deliberately pushed in (eg a cock). It’s frustrating when I want a hands free wank, too.

  3. Fay says:

    That last picture I have to admit is a huge turn on! Your selection is great – I think my collection needs a refresher very soon 😉

  4. Pingback: Cock Rings 101 | Exhibit A

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