World Cup of Cereals

And now for something completely different…

I absolutely loved Richard Osman’s World Cup of Chocolate and World Cup of Crisps (and honestly, whoever is responsible for that Wikipedia article also has my everlasting respect). Furious, passionate arguments over the most trivial (yet delicious) of subjects? Check. Intensely geeky, draw-based statistical analysis? Also check.

What comes next though? Should the people really be left hanging for another 8 months, till the next round of chocolatey goodness??

I say no.

If imitation really is the sincerest form of flattery, then consider this my official homage to the Osman format. Because right now, and with only minimal hesitation, I give you…

The 2016 World Cup of (Breakfast) Cereal!!!

  • 32 Teams
  • Round 1: 8 groups of 4 (Tue 19-Wed 20 April)
  • Round 2: 4 groups of 4 (Thu 21-Fri 22 April)
  • Quarter-Finals (Sat 23 April)
  • Semi-Finals (Sun 24 April)
  • Final (Sun 24 April)
  • NO PRIZES WHATSOEVER (I’m poor, ok?)

All voting will take place on Twitter – this post is essentially a placeholder, and something I can refer back to during the contest. It is also where you’ll find the full list of entrants, as determined by me while drunk a panel of experts. If you disagree with any of the cereals I’ve included…well, organise your own fucking tournament (or: eh, don’t @ me).

***Update (24/4)***

Glory is in sight for our four remaining warriors! Each of these four classic cereals has made it through two tough groups and one high-quality quarter-final in order to reach this stage, and none of them will want to go home now.

The semi-final draw has thrown up a couple of potential humdingers, with corn-on-corn warfare – ‘El Cornico’ – on one side of the bracket, and crisped rice mayhem on the other. This is literally a generational struggle, as parent brands seek to fend off their younger, sweeter (sexier?) offspring. Will they succeed? Only time – and your votes – will tell…

Semi Final A

Cornflakes
Crunchy Nut Cornflakes

Semi Final B

Coco Pops
Rice Krispies

Voting will run through to ~2pm BST on Sun 24th April, and the final will start shortly thereafter.

***Update (23/4)***

We are down to the last 8! Round 2 was very close, requiring a Fruit & Fibre/Shredded Wheat play off, but now we move into the knock out stages.

Voting starts from 1pm BST with each poll lasting 12 hours. The semi-finals will then take place in time for the final on Sunday.

Pick your favourite carefully, second place is no longer good enough. Here is the draw:

Quarter Final 1

  1. Shreddies
  2. Cornflakes

Quarter Final 2

  1. Shredded Wheat
  2. Coco Pops

Quarter Final 3

  1. Sugar Puffs
  2. Rice Krispies

Quarter Final 4

  1. Frosties
  2. Crunchy Nut Cornflakes

***Update (21/4)***

Round 1 is in the books! 32 cereals went into battle on Tuesday morning – now only 16 remain. The survivors have been drawn into four new groups, from which, again, the top two will progress.

Voting will start in Group 1 at 6pm today, and will run through to Saturday morning, at which point we’ll move into one-on-one knockout action. The four second-round pools are:

Group 1

  1. Frosted Wheats
  2. Shreddies
  3. Sugar Puffs
  4. Honey Loops

Group 2

  1. Bran Flakes
  2. Cheerios
  3. Cornflakes
  4. Frosties

Group 3

  1. Rice Krispies
  2. Jordans Country Crisp – Strawberry
  3. Shredded Wheat
  4. Fruit & Fibre

Group 4

  1. Crunchy Nut Cornflakes
  2. Ready Brek
  3. Weetabix
  4. Coco Pops

After an independently-verified, random draw, the Round 1 groups are as follows:

(Top 2 in each group to go through)

Group A

  1. Sultana Bran
  2. Cornflakes
  3. Weetos
  4. Jordans Country Crisp – Strawberry

Group B

  1. Bran Flakes
  2. Golden Grahams
  3. Frosted Wheats
  4. Apple Jacks

Group C

  1. Shredded Wheat
  2. Coco Pops
  3. Nesquik Cereal
  4. Frosted Shreddies

Group D

  1. Grape Nuts
  2. Frosties
  3. Ready Brek Original
  4. Ricicles

Group E

  1. Honey Loops
  2. Lucky Charms
  3. Dorset Cereals Simply Delicious Muesli
  4. Rice Krispies

Group F

  1. Raisin Wheats
  2. Weetabix
  3. Crunchy Nut Cornflakes
  4. Mini Shredded Wheat

Group G

  1. Start
  2. Alpen Original
  3. Fruit & Fibre
  4. Sugar Puffs

Group H

  1. Cheerios
  2. Special K
  3. Shreddies
  4. Oat So Simple Golden Syrup

I know this is very, very silly. But just let me have it, ok?

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5 Responses to World Cup of Cereals

  1. I can’t believe Sultana Bran is a real thing.

    Yes, you can have it. It makes me so glad I’ve left the world of shit-for-your-health cereals far behind. I so didn’t just have them for breakfast.

    Best thing: Alpen and Weetos. Together. Or Alpen and Coco Pops.

    See? I’m glad I’ve escaped their clutches.

  2. mariasibylla says:

    Er, any chance we can get American translations or am I going to have to resort to Google image search myself?

    (Because I don’t see Grape Nuts on here…and they are the obvious winner).

  3. Pingback: World Cup of Cheese | Exhibit A

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