For 10 moderately tortuous days over the last couple of weeks, I didn’t have an orgasm. I had plenty of sex – probably more, in fact, than I’ve had in any other 10-day period for quite some time – but at no point did I actually get to come.
This brief (and at the same time seemingly endless) period of climactic abstinence came about because Liv decided to join in Tabitha Rayne’s 30-day orgasm project. When I suggested that I might give it a go as well, she pointed out that it might be altogether more interesting if I went the other way instead, and made it an orgasm denial challenge. Denial (in its various forms) is a definite kink of mine – as Liv knows well – so I wasn’t about to back down once she’d put it on the table.
We agreed an initial period of one week…which got extended to 10 days after Liv realised how much fun she could have with the whole thing. It’s been years – over a decade, in fact – since I last went more than 5-6 days without an orgasm, and I perhaps should have let that sink in for a minute before agreeing to drag it out even further. Certainly by the time I got to day 8, I could think of little else, to the point where it definitely affected my productivity, concentration and focus; Tabitha’s original project is predicated on the notion that regular masturbation directly benefits your mental health and happiness, and by the end of the 10 days I had no trouble seeing the truth in that!
So was it frustrating? Yes, absolutely. But what started as a throwaway line, a bit of a joke, quickly became something really valuable and interesting – not least as an exercise in de-centring the male orgasm in F/M sex, and also de-linking it a bit from PIV penetration as a sexual act. We had a fuckton of penetrative sex last week, and both managed to enjoy it hugely, despite the fact that my orgasm was clearly off the table.
Porn has done a scarily effective job of reinforcing the notion that sex ends when the guy comes, and while I’ve never bought into that particular piece of bullshit, I’ve had several partners for whom any lack of a definitive, male-centred climax has been a real source of anxiety. Their instinct has often been to ask what they did wrong, which is sad and always 100% unnecessary, but at the same time entirely understandable, given that most of us have been brought up to view sex as a clear, linear process.
That’s never been an issue with Liv, but it was still nice to have a dedicated period where we actively put my orgasm to one side. Not my pleasure, which is another important distinction – male sexual enjoyment doesn’t begin and end with shooting your load – and not my agency or control either. The rest of our dynamic remained broadly unchanged, so a lot of the discipline required on my part not to come, not to give in to that temptation, was self-imposed, rather than part of any sort of new D/S scenario – it was less a case of Liv forcing me not to come, and more one of her suggesting sweetly that I should really wait just a little while longer…which in itself was really hot.
I’ll probably touch more on some of these issues in the week to come, starting with a half-finished post I’m aiming to get up this week on the gender orgasm gap, but for now I wanted to share a video from Friday afternoon, when the 10 day drought finally came to an end. It’s long-ish (12 mins) and obviously NSFW, but I thought some of you might enjoy it…