A guide to sucking my cock

I was casting around recently for blog ideas, and in the gratifyingly deep pool of suggestions, one floated immediately to the top. It came from a regular reader, who got in touch to request a post on my oral sex technique.

“Women’s magazines publish endless articles on how to give the ‘perfect’ blow job,” she said. “We hear much less about how to give head to women, so I’d be interested to hear your perspective on that – plus any tips and techniques for doing it right.”

There aren’t many activities I swoon over more than eating someone out, as various posts and photos from the last couple of years will attest. It’s one of the most sensual, intimate, toe-curlingly pleasurable things about partnered sex, and I thank my lucky stars on a daily basis that I’m marrying someone who enjoys it as much as I do.

BUT.

There is no one way to ‘do it right’. Less than eight months ago, I wrote what amounted to an anti-technique manifesto, in which I wrote this:

“…mainstream sex advice has created this notion that there is a right and a wrong way to ‘do’ sex – a standard user manual for the human body, which can be studied and applied to each new partner.

It’s the kind of thinking that allows Cosmo to publish endless articles on how to give the perfect blow job or which new position will drive your man – your man – wild in bed. It tells us that one size fits all; at the very least, that sexual pleasure comes ready-made or off-the-peg, rather than bespoke. Figure out which rack you need to shop from, then do a, b and c till you both x, y and z. Job done.

[But] technique alone can’t help you to understand your partner’s kinks or preferences, and in fact the more you rely on a portfolio of standard ‘moves’, the less likely you are to be curious about their preferences in the first place. If I’m fucking someone, half the fun lies in figuring out all that stuff together, and I’d far rather have it go wrong every now and then than have to spend time unpicking a load of stubbornly rehearsed moves that I know just aren’t going to work on me.”

I stand by those words today, and as I said to the reader who sent me her question, they make it very hard to write on anything more than a generic and superficial level about how to eat your partner out. I could wax lyrical on why one might do it, and I could talk through some of the key factors in making it an enjoyable experience for both of you (communication, consent, enthusiasm, relaxation, patience, curiosity…), but a set of failsafe tips for taking her to heaven and back? Sorry, someone else will have to tackle that one.

What I thought I’d do instead is flip things round. If the secret to giving great head (or great anything!) is listening to your partner and understanding what they like, then one thing I obviously can write about is receiving oral, and the techniques that work on me. A guide not just to sucking cock, but to sucking my cock. It may be of no more than academic interest to the vast majority of you reading this, but it is at least something on which I can write with authority, so that’s what I’m going to do.

How to blow Exhibit A

  1. The first thing you need to think about is what you’re trying to accomplish. Are you desperate to make me come? Is this a long tease before we fuck? A quick taste when we’re somewhere you really shouldn’t? Are you going to edge me – get me close again and again, only to break off at the crucial moment? Or do you just want to explore? Blow jobs don’t have to be goal-orientated, and if all you’re doing is getting to know my cock, maybe you don’t need much guidance – in which case, I’m happy to sit back and let you get on with it.
  2. Use your hands! Whichever route you choose, at some point I will want more than your lips and tongue on my cock, especially if you’re trying to get me off. A mouth and hand working together provide the perfect combination of pressure, silky-softness, and lubrication. Try either of these scenarios:
    1. With the base of my dick gripped firmly in your curled fist, angle it away from my body and wedge your thumb or little finger (depending on angle) into the bit where it joins my pelvis. Your hand will basically act as a cock ring, giving me a bigger erection and making everything feel more sensitive as you suck on the head.
    2. Form a ring with your thumb and forefinger, and use it as an extension of your mouth, moving the two up and down the top half of my dick with slow, tight, deliberate strokes. Make sure I can really feel it each time you flick over the coronal ridge, and keep your tongue pressed against my frenulum as you suck.
  3. If we’re in bed, and we have time, let me enjoy your body while you’re doing it. That doesn’t have to take an active form – there’s every chance I’ll be happy just looking at you. Or not looking at you, for that matter, if you decide to blindfold me and press your tits against my thighs, or straddle them and let me feel your wet cunt against my skin. Blow jobs are great in isolation, but even better when there’s more to them than the act itself. Give me context.
  4. Don’t assume that my dick is like the last one you sucked – or the next one. I’m circumcised, for one thing, which means there’s no foreskin to move back and forth. Circumcision is also linked to slightly reduced sensitivity, so I may well need more sustained stimulation than uncut guys. My balls, on the other hand, are very sensitive, and I don’t really like having them played with – not in a rough or forceful way, at least. Finally, I don’t tend to produce much pre-cum, which can make it hard to tell how aroused I actually am. You’ll need to look for other signs, like the redness creeping across my chest, the catch in my breath, the tension in my stomach. Or you could just ask me. I’ll almost certainly tell you.
  5. Deep-throat for show, ass-play for dough! I like watching you take my full length in your mouth – of course I do. We could be playing out some sort of D/S scenario where you choke on my cock, or you might simply want to feel every inch of it slide over your tongue till your lips kiss the base: either way you won’t hear any complaints from me. It’s a great visual, and there’s something undeniably hot about that level of wanton, unapologetic hunger for dick. As I’ve said before, enthusiasm in all its forms will take you a long way. What it won’t do, in this case, is make me come. Yes, when you deep-throat my cock I can feel your mouth all the way along it, but that ultimately spreads out the sensation across too great an area. If I’m going to have an orgasm, or even get close to one, I need more focused attention on the head – otherwise it doesn’t work for me…unless…
  6. …if you’re working my arse with your fingers, or better yet a butt plug/dildo, you have significantly more leeway when it comes to making me jizz in your mouth. Few things are likely to get me from A to B more frantically or unstoppably than ass-play, and on the off-chance I do manage to maintain some semblance of self-control, the only thing I’m likely to do with it is flip you over and fuck you hard. So it’s kinda win-win. I’ve given head often enough to know that some days we feel like we can go for hours, while on others it’s all about the quick wins; if you’re skilful and confident with your fingers, you barely need to move your lips on my cock. It’s a guaranteed money shot.
  7. Speaking of which, there are really no bad options as far as my orgasm is concerned. In your mouth, on your face, on my face, all over your tits…unless it’s been agreed that I’m in charge of where I jizz, there’s almost no way you can get it wrong, so don’t stress about it. If you don’t like the taste, or you don’t want it on your body, there are plenty of interesting alternatives, and I’ll never turn down the chance to try somewhere new.
  8. Far more important than location is your reaction. The more you enjoy making me come, the more I’ll enjoy it. Oral sex is unashamedly and overwhelmingly about pleasure – it has no practical or procreational value whatsoever – so let me see that on your face and in your body language. Let me see it throughout the blow job, of course, but make sure I’m in absolutely no doubt at the end of it. Vocalise your desire, if you can, whether that means telling me how much you love tasting my cock, talking dirty to me, or just making gently encouraging noises. It helps to know that this is something you actively like doing, rather than a chore!

So there you have it – should you ever find yourself at close quarters with my dick, you’ll now know exactly what to do with it. Perhaps more pertinently, if there’s another dick – or a clit, or a vagina/vulva – in  your life that you don’t feel you know as well as you’d like to, consider this your excuse to go ask some questions. The answers will be awesome.

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