On Cock Size

“I’d be so happy if I could have a cock for a day. Just one day, that would be fine.”

“What would you do with it?”

“Well I’d definitely fuck your arse. And make you suck it. Oh, and have a wank. I’d want to put it everywhere. It would look like yours, but maybe a bit…”

“…a bit what?”

“Um, a bit bigger? I fucking love your cock. It’s almost perfect. But you know I’m greedy…another inch or two would just be even better…”

I’ve been meaning to join in with Kat and Kilted Wookie’s ‘Food 4 Thought Friday’ meme for a while now, and when I saw last week’s prompt* I decided that this was a good time to dip my toe in the water:

‘If you have sex with men, how much does penis size matter?

If you are a straight guy, how do you feel about the size of your package? Has it ever been an issue for you?’

At this point in my life, I don’t have sex with men. However, I do enjoy looking at other guys, I get off to porn where guys fuck each other, and obviously I have a penis of my own, so the question is relevant on various levels.

My Scottish ex was the first woman who openly (and in a very matter-of-fact way) admitted to me that she preferred larger cocks. Her assessment of mine was delivered without any sugar-coating – “it’s almost perfect, but…” – because that’s just who she was. To her, “almost perfect” was a compliment, and certainly I was happy to take it at face value.

In fact, I feel much the same way. I love my cock – it’s thick, it’s smooth, and it gets super-hard – but honestly, if you offered me another inch of length I’d still take it in a heartbeat. I see no contradiction between those two statements: whether you’re talking about your penis, your bank balance, the food on your plate, or any one of a million other things, it’s possible to be absolutely delighted with what you have…without saying no to a little more, if it’s offered. ‘Almost perfect’ is a compliment, and at the time I actually found her candour about dick size a big turn-on. Hunger is hot, and a balls-out frankness about what you want is even hotter.

Of course for other women, my cock might be absolutely perfect – the ideal length and girth. Or it might be a bit too big. Or nowhere near large enough. Some won’t care about its size at all, while for others it’ll be a key determinant of sexual compatibility. I can’t change any of that – nor would I want to. As I wrote the other day, there’s nothing wrong with having fixed physical preferences, and “I like guys with big dicks” is no less valid than “I like women with big tits” or “I’m not really into redheads”. You can think someone is shallow for feeling that way, but if you take it personally you’re probably missing the point.

What should also be clear by now is that I like guys with big dicks too. Some of that’s a porn thing, I guess – most of the hard cocks I saw in my teens and early 20s belonged to improbably well-endowed porn stars, so it’s no wonder they had an impact on what I picture when I fantasise about other guys – but it also taps into other, more interesting parts of my sexual psyche. It comes from a place that’s somehow greedy, slutty, submissive, and masochistic at the same time. The sheer visual splendour of a long, thick cock has a power all of its own, and is the starting point from which any number of gloriously filthy scenarios seem to flow.

Many of those find their way into the erotica I write. That’s noteworthy in itself, because, for the most part, I actively avoid detailed physical descriptions; drawing my characters in broad strokes makes it easier for readers to layer their own preferences onto them, and avoids turning off anyone who doesn’t find (for example) blonde guys attractive, or who isn’t into women with green eyes and nipple piercings. The one regular exception to that rule is cock size. The dudes I write – especially in M/M or MMF stories – always have big dicks, because that’s what I see when I close my eyes and picture them. Their size is an important part of the fantasy, which is almost never true of a specific hair colour, height, body shape, etc.

Very little of that is based on my own experience. I do know that I prefer bigger butt plugs and dildos to smaller ones, whether I’m using them on myself or being fucked by someone else, and I’ve role-played different size-based scenarios with partners, but that’s about it. At this stage I only think I’d enjoy being fucked by a guy with a really thick cock, or that being tied to a chair and made to watch my girlfriend slowly slide down a cock much longer than mine would be really hot…which is still enough to make both those dynamics fun to mess around with in my writing.

Bringing it all the way back to the F4TF question, I know I’d feel a lot less confident about exploring those fantasies if I wasn’t happy with the size of my own cock. That wasn’t always the case – it was a big source of teenage angst, as it is for a lot of men – but I’m now at a point where I don’t feel at all insecure about what I’m packing; as I explained in this post, that gives me the freedom to fetishize larger dicks in both my own D/S play and the erotica I write, without it rebounding in a way that might damage my own self-esteem and body image.

I’m lucky in that sense, and I don’t want to downplay the very real impact size-shaming can have on some guys; even for me now, context is still important – my ex’s comments, for example, would have been less arousing and more hurtful if they’d come from someone I didn’t know very well, or if they’d been laced with spite or disappointment. As it was, her positive tone helped to reinforce and bolster my existing comfort levels, and to make cock size something we were able to discuss in a fun, sexy way, rather than a fraught one.

(*I started writing this last Thursday and didn’t get round to finishing it, so the prompt is now a couple of weeks old. I’m lazy, ok?)