The Big Exhibit A Fucktoy Fiesta!

A few weeks ago, the lovely people at Satisfyer emailed me to ask whether I’d like to test and review their new penis toy, ‘Satisfyer Men’. Liv and I already own several of their clitoral vibes, and I’ve seen first-hand how effective they can be, so I replied immediately to accept their generous offer.

Fast-forward to last night, when we arrived home to find a large box waiting for us in the hallway outside our flat. Bit excessive for one toy, I thought – and a bit heavy too, once I lifted it up to take inside.

It was only when we opened the box that I discovered the extent of Satisfyer’s generosity. They’d sent me not one, not two, not three…this could take a while…not 10, but 11 (ELEVEN) sex toys from across their range! The stack of mini-boxes came with a short note:

“This parcel contains our brand new Satisfyer Family products. Please feel free to use your samples to share the fun with your friends, or as a giveaway for your followers.”

So that’s exactly what I’m going to do.

Ladies, gents, and enbys, I present to you The Big Exhibit A Fucktoy Fiesta!! 10 top-quality sex toys (include an unboxed one that Liv’s thrown in to the mix), worth something north of £600 in retail value!

• 4 x Satisfyer Pro Traveler (£45.99)
• 3 x Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples (£79.99)
• 2 x Satisfyer Pro G-Spot Rabbit (£79.99)
• 1 x Satisfyer Men (~£30)

All available for free! BUT the whole giveaway comes with a catch…

As Liv’s poll last night made clear, a LOT of sex bloggers now own Satisfyer toys. As a company, they’ve been great at leveraging the time, influence and enthusiasm of writers and bloggers to spread the word about their (genuinely excellent) products. If you’re someone with a platform and you’re keen to review toys, the chances are pretty high that they’ll send you something.

So I don’t want to just palm off (heh) these precious gifts off on people who’ll test them a couple of times, then chuck them in a groaning toybox alongside their Womanizers, Eroscillators, Doxys, and nJoys, never to be seen again. I want to give them to readers who look at that list of brand names and think “I don’t know what half those are, but they sound fun.”

And then I want those people to write about them.

They don’t have to write much, and it doesn’t have to be under their own name, but alongside my review post for the Satisfyer Men, what I really want to do is put together a crowd-sourced compilation of mini-reviews on the rest of the range. 200-300 words, written by folks who don’t consider themselves toy experts. Who maybe wouldn’t otherwise have heard of this brand, or who browse Lovehoney/visit sex shops without a clear idea of exactly what their cunt or cock might like. Who’ve never written about this kind of thing before.

Is that you? Do you want a free vibrator? If so, here’s what you need to do:

1. Send me an email (dulce.et.decorum.est@gmail.com) or a DM, or leave a comment under this post. Include your name or Twitter handle.
2. Tell me which toy you’d like to have (and a back-up option).
3. Confirm that you’re willing to send a short review after you’ve tried it.

…and that’s it! Deadline for applications is 11pm on Wednesday 18th April, and if more than 10 people are interested at that point I’ll do some sort of random draw. I’ll then mail out toys over the course of the following week. I’m open to requests from outside the UK, though I might limit this to 2-3 max of the final 10, to make sure I don’t have to spend a fortune on shipping. (Sorry!)

Anyone reviewing a toy can remain as anonymous on here as they like, and I will NOT be publishing a list of either applicants or recipients. There’s no pressure to enjoy whichever vibe you get – if you don’t like it and you want to say so in your review, that’s absolutely fine. If you love it and want to spend 250 words gushing about how awesome it is…well, that’s fine too.

So yes, tweet the link, tell your friends, and with a bit of luck the sex toy fairy will visit you soon!