I’m on the jury for the 2020 Smut Marathon, which is very exciting indeed, and means that after every round I have to award points to the nine entries I liked best. I’m going to try to provide relatively detailed feedback on my choices, and to offer some slightly broader thoughts on the round as a whole, in the hope it’ll help this year’s authors to improve their fortunes further down the track.
With that in mind, here are my thoughts on Round 1…
The thing that stood out to me most as I studied all 109 R1 entries was the real split between those writers who’d understood the point of this particular challenge, and those who hadn’t. At this stage, it is both unsurprising and completely understandable that the second of those buckets swallowed up so many of you: there’s a reason R1 isn’t an elimination round, after all, as everyone is still finding their feet in the contest – especially those of you who haven’t taken part in Smut Marathon before.
Alliteration is a literary and linguistic *tool*. It is used to create mood and rhythm, and to direct our focus to sections of text or speech that are particularly important, interesting, funny or shocking. It should be used sparingly, otherwise it just feels like a gimmick; or worse, like a barrier to focus and textual clarity. Alliteration for alliteration’s sake is fine in a tongue-twister (Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers indeed…), but in most fiction the line between judicious and gratuitous use is a very fine one indeed.
In this round, far too many entries tried to make alliteration carry the full weight of what they were trying to say, and inevitably in most cases it collapsed under that burden. If a sentence – a story – only has 25 words to play with, and if the aim is to create a mood or leave the reader with a particular mental image (especially an erotic one), 10-15 of those words probably shouldn’t start with the same letter. I’m afraid it’s just too distracting. The aim of this challenge was not to show that you could bodge together a string of words that happened to share the same first letter in a semi-comprehensible way (I’m looking at you, #20, #26, #33, #54, #65, #94…and far too many more). It was to use alliteration to enhance your storytelling, and that meant showing a certain degree of restraint…
With all that said, there were a number of entries that I enjoyed a great deal indeed, including at least one that did veer pretty close to tongue-twister territory (hey, there’s an exception to every rule). These were my top 9, listed in order from 1st to 9th:
- Suspended Animation
It came as no surprise to learn on Sunday that this entry was written by the delightful Marsha Adams, who on the strength of her writing throughout the contest, should have won the 2019 Smut Marathon (IMO). Everything about this is pretty much perfect. It has atmosphere and an almost tangible eroticism – I felt the hairs on my arms rising as I read it. It manages to distil one specific moment/feeling for the reader, while at the same time alluding to a broader context. And the use of language – alliteration included – is gorgeous. ‘Sodden cotton’ in particular really worked for me. Top, top work.
- Reunion
When Marie asked me to write an intro piece/bio for the Jury page, I took the opportunity to list some of the qualities I was looking for in this year’s Smut Marathon entries. The first three on that list were clarity, simplicity, and restraint – and ‘Reunion’ demonstrates all three of those. As readers, we know exactly what’s going on; the language used is straightforward and accessible; and while I went back and forth on ‘frantically’, the author doesn’t try to do too much with either the scenario or the alliteration. Good job!
- Teenage Kicks
This entry contains favourite piece of alliteration in the whole round: ‘wet upper deck sex’. Just brilliant. I also really love the fact that until those final four words, you wouldn’t know this is erotica at all – but after reading them, everything that came beforehand suddenly feels sexier and more sensual.
- Fantasies
So ‘…wordless, eyes wide with wonder’ is a really nice piece of alliteration, but I don’t mind admitting that I was drawn to this sentence purely because it’s super fucking hot. His mixed emotions come across so clearly that I could shut my eyes and place myself in that doorway next to him, and it’s no surprise that this is one of the entries I’d most like to see developed into a longer piece.
- Humidity
More than any other in my top 9, I wrestled with where to place this entry – at one point dropping it off my list altogether, before rapidly moving it back up to #5. Ultimately I couldn’t ignore its rawness and its visceral power, exemplified perfectly by those ‘beating, breathing bodies’. The piece as a whole isn’t perfect, but the use of alliteration is, and that counts for something.
- Seeing Stars
Aha, the exception! 9 of the 19 words here start with ‘s’ (and the author throws in ‘encircling’ for good measure), but the whole thing still scans beautifully and I love the scenario it describes. There’s an urgency and a hunger in these words, capped off perfectly by ‘…sucking until he sees stars.’ Love it.
- Electric
Unf, this is just gorgeous. The idea of his hands sparking, ‘lightning hot’, really works for me, and what could feel like quite a clichéd metaphor is handled in a skilful and vibrant way. Bonus points for including alliteration that relies on shared sounds rather than shared first letters.
- Longing
The combination of alliteration and the rule of three is used very effectively here. I’d actually question whether the extra alliteration of ‘lingering looks’ is needed, given how well the ‘longing/lusting/licking’ line is executed, but either way I wanted to be the person getting sized up across the room here, and that’s always a sign that the author has done a good job.
- Undress
Once again, I can picture exactly what’s happening in this scene, because the writing is so clean and crisp. I really like the progression from fingers that flutter to a hand that suddenly takes much more decisive action – even in such a short piece, pacing matters, and the author uses it really skilfully here.
Other entries that made my shortlist but didn’t survive the final cut:
- Utter
- Rhetorical Release
- Summer Seduction
- Sweet Surrender
- Callie
- Filthy Findings
- The Whip
- New Religion
- Frustrated Feelings
- Kimono
- Enchantment