Author: Exhibit A

Click here for the first part of this latest Q&A, and here to read the 2014 version.

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Tell us about a fantasy that you’ve not yet lived out…

Oh boy…there are, like, 73 different ways to go with this one! My last 299 posts cover so many of my unfulfilled fantasies – some thinly disguised as fiction, others just laid right out there – that it would be very easy just to do a cut-and-paste job with something I’ve written about before. Or that someone else has written about, for that matter.

Looking back, a common theme running through many of those fantasies is that whole idea of being watched, or being on display somehow. The name ‘Exhibit A’ didn’t come about by accident (though I might rethink it if I was starting out today), and I find few things hotter than the feeling of someone else’s eyes on my body, whether I’m just standing there naked or am a more active participant in whatever’s going on.

As promised(/threatened) last week, I’m celebrating my 300th blog post in the same way I did my 100th in 2014: with a big, self-indulgent Q&A, using all the questions people have sent me over the last few days (21 at the last count). Once again, I’m going to answer them in batches, which will mean adding stuff on to the bottom of this post and – when it all gets too unwieldy – spilling over into another one, so do keep checking back if you’re at all interested in what I have to say.

If you have (further) questions to add to the list, pop them in the comments section below or hit me up via email or DM!

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As a poly person do you experience jealousy?

Ok, right in at the deep end. I’ve been asked variations on this question several times over the last few months, and have read with interest as other bloggers have shared their thoughts on it. I realise that jealousy is something a lot of people struggle with – in both monogamous and polyamorous relationships – and it’s natural to assume that it would be one of the biggest barriers to making poly work in the long term.

This week’s Sinful Sunday post featured a butt plug I’ve written about several times before. It’s the Aneros MGX Prostate Massager, and I realised the other day that I’ve now been using it to get myself off for over 10 years. Small enough to be inserted with minimal preparation, substantial enough that I still have to stretch around it, and designed to hit all the right spots in all the right ways, it’s the only sex toy in my box that you’d have to prise from my cold, dead hands.

It’s also the perfect toy for discreet – if dangerous – public play, as I discovered a few years ago with a woman called Katie. Katie lived about a 40-minute drive from me, in a small town halfway between my place and my parents’. She was a schoolteacher, English-Rose-pretty, and recently single, after her fiancé had left her for one of their bridesmaids.

Unsurprisingly, Katie didn’t want a relationship – at least not with me. She wanted to go out, drink wine, chat shit, and have sex, all of which suited me down to the ground. We’d already hooked up at my place a couple of times when I first drove out to her house in the sticks one Saturday lunchtime, for an afternoon of lazy, laid-back fun.

The worst break-up of my life – the break-up that hurt the most – was the one I never saw coming…and then was forced to watch in slow motion.

It was June 2004, and I was 22 years old. My girlfriend was in her second year at Oxford, while I was trying to finish a Masters at another university. I’d moved back home at Easter to work on my dissertation from the Oxford libraries to which I still had access, and to spend more time with her, after eight months of long-distance dating.

I was also desperately in love – mainly with J, but also with the effect she’d had on my confidence, happiness, and sense of self-worth, all of which had plummeted in the four years since my previous relationship.