Size Doesn't Matter

A few weeks ago I tweeted a link to this excellent post by Hyacinth Jones, on her love of big dicks. I thought the way she described her preference for well-endowed men was straightforward, honest, and wonderfully unapologetic; there was nothing spiteful or mocking in what she wrote, and as a guy of relatively average proportions I was turned on by her passion, rather than put off because it happens to exclude me.

Later that day, I talked to Malin James, who agreed with my take on Hy’s post, but wondered aloud whether it would be possible for a guy to write something similar about vaginal tightness without being crucified for it. Both of us could imagine the response to that sort of piece, even in what is generally a very tolerant and open-minded sex-blogging community; it wouldn’t be pretty, and any man brave or foolish enough to put something like that out there would take a lot of heat, regardless of how straightforward or measured he was when making his case.

Of course double standards often exist for a reason. While it looks like apples and apples, the reality is that women are routinely shamed for the size and general appearance of their cunts – not to mention the way they smell and taste, and the frequency with which they enjoy having things inside them. Cock size may be the subject of a few crude jokes, and I’m sure it must feel genuinely awful to be on the receiving end of one, but the way men talk about cunts is far more toxic – and laced with misogyny. It’s also rooted in a profound fear of female sexual agency, and in the pretty gross belief that virginity has value: abusing women for not being ‘tight enough’ is really just another form of slut-shaming.

How do I know this? Well for one thing, I have never – literally never – heard guys discussing cunt size when a woman isn’t around. It just doesn’t happen. I’ve listened to (and participated in) endless locker room conversations about so-and-so’s tits, or the cracking arse on some bloke’s girlfriend/sister/mum/etc. I’ve sat through detailed descriptions of blow job technique and prowess. Of sexual appetite and preferences. Of kinks and fetishes. Men chat a lot of shit to each other about a lot of things – and clearly not all of those conversations were beacons of sex-positivity and kindness – but not once have I had someone complain to me about the tightness of a partner’s cunt. It’s just not something we care about – except, apparently, when we want to make women feel bad about themselves.

Over the years, my own experiences have backed that up. I´ve fucked virgins and mothers of three; women in their late teens and women in their mid-40s; women of pretty much every different height, weight and skin colour under the sun…and not one of them has had a cunt that I wasn’t fucking delighted to be buried inside. I could honestly count on one hand the number that were memorably tight, and I wouldn’t need any hands at all for those that weren’t tight enough.

There is certainly no correlation whatsoever between tightness and sexual performance, nor has it ever had a material impact on my enjoyment of a particular partner’s body. 95% of the time, I’m not sure I even notice either way. The preference for bigger dicks obviously has an aesthetic element for a lot of people, but cunt size only really becomes apparent during penetration, whether with fingers or cock. At that point, there’s generally too much good stuff going on for minute differences in tightness to cross my radar, and I’m much more likely to get excited by how wet my partner is, or how good her skin feels pressed against mine, than I am to worry about whether she’s squeezing me as hard as the last woman I fucked.

The only exceptions have been the handful of partners who were so tight that I found myself having to really focus on not coming too quickly. That’s a bit of a mixed blessing, clearly; while that sort of intensity is very exciting, especially at first, it can also mean having to pick between a shorter fuck and one with occasional breaks to calm down. Both of those can be great, but there are times when I don’t really want either of them; and I’ve been on the receiving end of enough eye-rolls to know that the women involved were often similarly unenthusiastic about having to make that choice!

The bottom line is that cunts are magical things, and I’ve yet to meet one that I wasn’t instantly in love with. They’re supple, flexible, warm and soft in all the best ways, and always, always tight enough to feel wonderful around my cock. Malin was dead right, a heterosexual man sharing the equivalent of Hy’s big dick post probably would get slated – rightly so, given the wider context – but I also really struggle to believe that anyone out there would actually want to write it.

Guys might get hung up on all sorts of weird things, but I’ve seen no sign that we give a flying fuck about cunt size. Any nasty, sneering evidence to the contrary will always have far more to do with a wider hatred of women or with male insecurity than it will actual sexual pleasure.

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16 Responses to Size Doesn't Matter

  1. It’s strange but that is one thing that’s always, not really worried me, but I’ve thought about. I’ve had kids and although no-one has ever said anything I do think about whether it matters.
    Thank you for writing this 🙂

  2. Cara Thereon says:

    I really loved how you wrote and explained this. (I wrote a whole long comment and then deleted. So I’ll just leave It with my orginial sentence.)

  3. aaroncauser says:

    Loved reading this. Interesting though, in the circle of people I know, including most of the guys I know (even in younger, much wilder years) I do not ever remember having even drunk conversations about tightness etc. From discussions with my female friends, they seem far more likely to have been discussing cock size and ‘dynamics’ we shall generally describe them! Maybe its because I am British … Great post!

  4. Hyacinth says:

    I think this is fantastic. For so many reasons. One of which is a peek into the male mind. Like so many other faulty messages women pick up, the tightness of our pussies is one of them and, like everything else, it might appear that men don’t give a fuck (just like y’all don’t care if we have tiny butts or no cellulite). It’s my sincerest hope that all men share your feelings on this. xx Hy

  5. twiglet at hundred acres says:

    I think you’re right about context and wider social norms influencing what gets said – I’ve known men worry if they can’t satisfy a woman if she’s used to bigger, will she feel filled or stretched enough, but the reverse of that, as you say, the tightness, doesn’t seem to feature and I am glad. Although men requesting women have hymen reconstruction surgery seems close to this?

  6. nlikes says:

    Interesting. I have a fairly different perspective on this question. Thanks for inspiring a post on it as soon as I can muster.


  7. Inspired by Nlikes’ above-mentioned post, which was inspired by this post, I commented this on that post, which I wanted to re-post on this post.


    Very interesting points. I too have definitely heard it discussed and also definitely noticed differences. Political correctness aside, sometimes it *has* affected my enjoyment. It’s definitely not the only factor involved- there are visual people; there are auditory people; the mind is the biggest sex organ; etc.

    One thing that crossed my mind is that, if it’s friction we’re looking for, wouldn’t wetness also be an enemy? Wetness, just like looseness, reduces friction; and dryness (but not too dry) increases it. Or maybe I’m getting all the science wrong here…

  8. Okay, confession time. I never used to worry about this but, after I had my second child, I developed a bit of a situation between my legs – namely a cystocele (a collapse of the bladder into the vagina) thanks to ripped pelvic muscles that didn’t heal themselves post-birth. I have never spoken about it on my blog (I’ve been a little nervous about doing so) but I went through a phase of worrying a lot about looseness/tightness and the general changing of the landscape down there. As it turned out, I had to have quite major surgery to fix the issue and it took nearly six months to recover from it. NB: I should point out that, despite the belief to the contrary, a prolapse tends to mean ‘less room’ rather than more as everything ‘crowds’ inwards, so the ‘loose vagina post birth’ myth is extremely misleading.

    Sorry, this is probably way TMI!


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