A few weeks ago I tweeted a link to this excellent post by Hyacinth Jones, on her love of big dicks. I thought the way she described her preference for well-endowed men was straightforward, honest, and wonderfully unapologetic; there was nothing spiteful or mocking in what she wrote, and as a guy of relatively average proportions I was turned on by her passion, rather than put off because it happens to exclude me.
Later that day, I talked to Malin James, who agreed with my take on Hy’s post, but wondered aloud whether it would be possible for a guy to write something similar about vaginal tightness without being crucified for it. Both of us could imagine the response to that sort of piece, even in what is generally a very tolerant and open-minded sex-blogging community; it wouldn’t be pretty, and any man brave or foolish enough to put something like that out there would take a lot of heat, regardless of how straightforward or measured he was when making his case.
Of course double standards often exist for a reason. While it looks like apples and apples, the reality is that women are routinely shamed for the size and general appearance of their cunts – not to mention the way they smell and taste, and the frequency with which they enjoy having things inside them. Cock size may be the subject of a few crude jokes, and I’m sure it must feel genuinely awful to be on the receiving end of one, but the way men talk about cunts is far more toxic – and laced with misogyny. It’s also rooted in a profound fear of female sexual agency, and in the pretty gross belief that virginity has value: abusing women for not being ‘tight enough’ is really just another form of slut-shaming.
How do I know this? Well for one thing, I have never – literally never – heard guys discussing cunt size when a woman isn’t around. It just doesn’t happen. I’ve listened to (and participated in) endless locker room conversations about so-and-so’s tits, or the cracking arse on some bloke’s girlfriend/sister/mum/etc. I’ve sat through detailed descriptions of blow job technique and prowess. Of sexual appetite and preferences. Of kinks and fetishes. Men chat a lot of shit to each other about a lot of things – and clearly not all of those conversations were beacons of sex-positivity and kindness – but not once have I had someone complain to me about the tightness of a partner’s cunt. It’s just not something we care about – except, apparently, when we want to make women feel bad about themselves.
Over the years, my own experiences have backed that up. I´ve fucked virgins and mothers of three; women in their late teens and women in their mid-40s; women of pretty much every different height, weight and skin colour under the sun…and not one of them has had a cunt that I wasn’t fucking delighted to be buried inside. I could honestly count on one hand the number that were memorably tight, and I wouldn’t need any hands at all for those that weren’t tight enough.
There is certainly no correlation whatsoever between tightness and sexual performance, nor has it ever had a material impact on my enjoyment of a particular partner’s body. 95% of the time, I’m not sure I even notice either way. The preference for bigger dicks obviously has an aesthetic element for a lot of people, but cunt size only really becomes apparent during penetration, whether with fingers or cock. At that point, there’s generally too much good stuff going on for minute differences in tightness to cross my radar, and I’m much more likely to get excited by how wet my partner is, or how good her skin feels pressed against mine, than I am to worry about whether she’s squeezing me as hard as the last woman I fucked.
The only exceptions have been the handful of partners who were so tight that I found myself having to really focus on not coming too quickly. That’s a bit of a mixed blessing, clearly; while that sort of intensity is very exciting, especially at first, it can also mean having to pick between a shorter fuck and one with occasional breaks to calm down. Both of those can be great, but there are times when I don’t really want either of them; and I’ve been on the receiving end of enough eye-rolls to know that the women involved were often similarly unenthusiastic about having to make that choice!
The bottom line is that cunts are magical things, and I’ve yet to meet one that I wasn’t instantly in love with. They’re supple, flexible, warm and soft in all the best ways, and always, always tight enough to feel wonderful around my cock. Malin was dead right, a heterosexual man sharing the equivalent of Hy’s big dick post probably would get slated – rightly so, given the wider context – but I also really struggle to believe that anyone out there would actually want to write it.
Guys might get hung up on all sorts of weird things, but I’ve seen no sign that we give a flying fuck about cunt size. Any nasty, sneering evidence to the contrary will always have far more to do with a wider hatred of women or with male insecurity than it will actual sexual pleasure.