First things first. As the title makes clear, this is a post about pregnancy sex, so if you haven’t yet read Liv’s thoughts on that topic, go check them out here and here. We both have valid things to say about the impact of pregnancy on our sex life, but as the person whose body is actually going through all these changes, hers definitely carry more weight. Pun intended.
Of course many of you will have read those posts already, and may also have tracked Liv’s pregnancy through the weekly Sinful Sunday photos she’s published on her blog. Starting at week 13, they provide candid snapshots of the way her body has changed over the last few months – and some of those changes have been quite dramatic (*cough* boobs *cough*)! Or dramatic to the outside observer, at least. I’m lucky enough to see her every day, which is always going to dilute the impact somewhat, in the same way it would if she was growing her hair or training for another marathon.
As I write this, Liv is sitting on the sofa next to me in her dressing gown. She’s 28 weeks pregnant now, and she looks incredible. Not because she’s ‘glowing’ or ‘ripe’, nor because she has the whole ‘Earth Mother’ vibe that people routinely ascribe to women in her position – it’s true that her hair has been extra glossy lately, and I swear her skin is even softer than it was before, but for the most part it’s just that she looks really hot right now. Same brilliant smile, same sparkly eyes, same eyebrow-raising cleavage. Same Liv.
Focusing on her hotness may seem shallow, and perhaps it is. Before getting to the actual sex though, I wanted to cover off the whole “will he still fancy me/will I still fancy her?” thing, because I’m conscious that sits behind a lot of the fears people have about sex during pregnancy. We’re only 70% of the way through, and there are bigger physical changes yet to come, but I can say with absolute certainty that at a base, animal level, I still want Liv as badly and as often as I did in February, or last September, or three years ago, or…
If the frequency and intensity of my desire for her hasn’t diminished, what about the way that’s reciprocated? I’ve no idea whether Liv fancies me any less (or more!) than she did pre-pregnancy, but I do know that her libido dipped for a while during the first trimester, as she struggled with fatigue and morning sickness. The latter actually had very little impact on our sex life – there’s a healthy dose of irony in the fact that our daughter was conceived around 7am – but the tiredness Liv experienced most evenings, when I would see her shoulders literally slump as she tried to lift herself off the sofa, definitely put a limit on what we could do together, especially on days when she’d been at work.
As a result, there was maybe a month where we went from having sex of some description most nights to having it once or twice a week. Instead we snuggled up naked together under the duvet at night and marvelled aloud about everything that was about to change in our lives. It wasn’t exactly a hardship.
Since Liv’s energy levels returned to something approaching normal (for her), we’ve had plenty of sex. Usually at some point between 10pm and midnight, or either side of a mid-afternoon nap at the weekends, and almost always with PIV as the focal or concluding point. In short, it’s been much like the sex we had before she got pregnant.
That may not be a scalding-hot take on the subject, but for me the way our sex life has carried on with minimal interruption or angst has been a source of comfort – or rather, it’s removed one potential stress point from an inherently (and unavoidably) surreal period in our relationship. I’m fully aware that we’ve been very lucky in this respect. Lots of couples endure far more disruptive pregnancies, which I imagine place a much greater strain on things in and out of the bedroom. If you’re throwing up every day or spending time in and out of hospital, worrying about the health of your baby, sex is unlikely to be high on your agenda.
Where Liv and I have made adjustments, it’s not always been triggered by her increased bulk. Yes, it felt odd the first time I really felt her belly pressing down into me while she was on top, and no, the way we arrange ourselves during missionary isn’t quite the same as it was three months ago, but so far everything else is broadly business as usual from a positional perspective. We spoon more now, I guess? And I’m certainly not worried about ‘damaging the baby’ or anything like that. It doesn’t matter how hard I fuck Liv, or how deep I go, I know that our little avocado/cauliflower/aubergine (depending on the week) will continue to snooze, kick, and wriggle away to her heart’s content, blissfully unaware of the vigorous thrusting taking place a few inches below.
It’s more that Liv’s needs have changed, and I’ve tried to reflect that in what we do together. This is what she wrote the other day in her second trimester post:
“Almost as if the pleasure has to climb a bigger mountain in my massive uterus to reach the peak, I’ve found clitoral orgasms harder to reach when having partnered sex. Even when masturbating, there feels like much more of a cliff edge to approach and push over than before – the build up to clitoral orgasms is harder and more effortful, without much change in the resultant orgasm. In contrast, pelvic and internal orgasms having become much, much easier and much, much stronger! Whether it is because of increased blood flow or my renewed attention to pelvic floor exercises, penetration feels a lot better and I come much more easily this way now than before.”
…and that’s suited me just fine! I still go down on her as much as I did pre-pregnancy, but there’s been a definite shift in how long I spend fingering her as part of that. I love the moment when she hovers right on the edge, then clenches hard around the two or three fingers I’m holding deep inside her cunt.
In the last few weeks, that increased sensitivity to penetration has also changed the way I use my cock. That’s been good for both of us; after four years together, it’s easy to fall into the kind of routine where you just do the things you know will ‘work’, so when those things change it’s actually pretty exciting. Liv gets noticeably (and audibly) wetter now around my cock when I grab her hips and fuck her with long, punchy strokes. Vaginal orgasms have never been an afterthought for us, but I’m aware that they’re currently more important to her, so I spend time experimenting with different ways of getting her to that point. Unsurprisingly, she’s not the only one who gets turned on by that.
All being well, we have another 12+ weeks of pregnancy in front of us, so who knows what will happen to our sex life over that period (and beyond). Liv will get bigger – potentially a lot bigger – which may restrict what we can do in bed, and I’m very aware that our kicky, wriggly baby will only get kick-ier and wrigglier between now and December, potentially to the point where it’s more than just ‘a bit weird’ to be on the receiving end.
At this stage though, I have only positive things to say about pregnancy sex. Stimulating, nourishing and intimate, it’s made bad days tolerable and good days even better. What’s not to like?